Tell your loved ones

It’s Father’s Day today. I phoned dad at 7:45am to ask him to let me in to their house. My key wouldn’t turn in the lock. I had rung the doorbell, no response. My heart was beginning to race, but he was up and answered quickly.

Inside, it smelled normal and the radio was on. Good signs. I went through to the back room where we’ve put mum’s bed. The curtains are pink and the light was soft. It’s midsummer today.

I got up at 4:20 to catch the sunrise and fit in a run before going over. The sky was blue when I left the house, but fog covered the fields on the way to Stamford. I ran up the track to Easton on the Hill, stopping to look back across the valley through the mist. I walked through Wothorpe Woods, like mum and dad have thousands of times, together. In Burghley Park, I stopped enjoying the run and started worrying about what I would find when I got to their house. How well I would cope.

I don’t know when mum woke up and I can’t ask, but the light is bright in this room – an extension to the dining room with patio doors at the foot of the bed, and a big window next to it. She had probably been awake a while. She wasn’t unhappy; she was keen to get up. We’ll need those, she said pointing to her shoes. Not just yet.

Dad was trying to help and I brushed him away while I worked. After failing for the third time to get mum to get back into bed to sit up I shouted for him to get me a clean sheet – any sheet. He returned with a duvet cover.

Sheet on, mum had a moment of clarity and shuffled up into a sitting position. I covered her legs with a dressing gown until I could change the duvet cover, and got the table in place. Dad brought the tea and toast. I opened the curtains onto the garden.

Lately, I have been listening to this song quite a bit: The Morning Fog, by Kate Bush. I think it’s about an astronaut returning to earth or something, but not for me. For me, it’s about my life right now.

The light
Begin to bleed
Begin to breathe
Begin to speak
Do you know what?
I love you better now

I am falling
Like a stone
Like a storm
Being born again
Into the sweet morning fog

Do you know what?
I love you better now

I’m falling
And I’d love to hold you now
I’ll kiss the ground
I’ll tell my mother
I’ll tell my father
I’ll tell my loved ones
I’ll tell my brothers
How much I love them

Marking the equinox

Last Sunday was the autumnal equinox. A moment of uneasy equilibrium, when day and night briefly share 12 hours before daylight tumbles towards the winter solstice. I meant to go for a run, and pay special attention to the sunrise or sunset. To mark the moment with pictures, maybe write about it. I didn’t remember. I did run but it was raining and, behind the clouds, the sun was just an assumption.

This morning while I drank my pre-run coffee I read about the equinox. I learned about the “solar terminator” – the edge between night and day – that separates the part of the earth experiencing darkness from that experiencing daylight. A circle constantly rotating around the earth’s surface, twice a day, moving at 463 metres per second. At the equinox, it moves around the globe like a spinning line of longitude – bringing darkness on one side, and light on the other.

In spring and autumn, at the vernal and autumnal equinoxes, both poles see the sun, and both northern and southern hemispheres share the light equally. Afterwards, one’s loss is the other’s gain.

The weeks around the equinox are a dream time for running. Every pre- or post-work run catches a sunrise or sunset. One wet evening I chanced on a rainbow in the eastern sky, the nearby clouds lit purple. But really I’m a sunrise person. In between some biblical rain, this month I’ve seen the mist rise from the River Ouse over York Minster, caught the first light of the sun turning a gate into a magic portal, and gazed on ghost trees in the fog over flooded fields.

At sunrise, I have the paths to myself. I like to run along the river, or in the woods. The colder nights and still warm days mean that vapour rises from the water and floats among the trees. The grass is soaking, and fences drip with tiny golden orbs of dew. In the city, the neon lights of the Esso garage are briefly a fairground ride against the technicolour sky.

This morning I remembered the Equinox – a week late, but does it matter? The sun rose today at 7am, and will set at 6:41pm. The nights are being drawn in for us in the northern hemisphere, whilst the days loosen their grip, extending their warm grasp southwards.

At the gate to Old Sulehay woods, the fog was lying over flooded fields, with a sunrise lightshow peaking high above. To the south of the path, the meadow was waist high with grasses lit ochre, mist blurring the trees and bringing everything closer, nearer. I took some pictures and they are spectacular but they don’t contain it. The sounds of birds rustling and settling and jostling the leaves. The distant cars that never appear. The tiny lights of a farmhouse on the horizon.

In the woods, the lightshow is reduced to a strip of gold and blue overhead, with clouds looming pink in the west over the horse chestnut trees. A carpet of curling leaves and conkers litter the top of the hill. It is darker here, and a tiny bit creepy. I take my earbuds out so that I can hear the birds, but also the sound of anyone approaching. Back on the road, the sun has risen and drifts of roadside weeds burn orange against the fields. No interesting birds today, just pigeons and magpies, starlings. A few pheasants.

No hares in the fields, but plenty of deer. I run a couple of miles along the road to Kings Cliffe, stopping for a wee behind a gate. Over 11 miles, I don’t see any people. A few cars, but no cyclists, runners or dog walkers. Everyone is at home, in bed or inside, enjoying the warmth. Maybe putting the heating on for the first time. Maybe preparing to go out later, when I will be at home warming up and hiding inside.

This summer, on holiday in Sardinia, I took a video of a sunrise over the sea as it lapped against a ruined tower. When I uploaded it, instagram asked me if I wanted to flag it as AI. At dawn, the world looks so perfect that it doesn’t seem possible, or real. Mid-way through the clip, a tiny mosquito buzzes across the screen on its way to biting my arm in three places.