I miss running

It’s a new year, and nine months since experiencing knee pain, that’s now morphed into foot and hip pain. Soon it will be a year since I last raced.

If I leave a day or two between runs I can manage 2-3 miles of jogging without pain. Sometimes 4. Sometimes 1. For most people this wouldn’t be an issue. I can walk, cycle, swim, and work out, without pain. For me – a person who has run 5+ times a every week, for 30 years – it’s life altering.

Now that I can’t do it, and I can’t see a clear path to doing it again, I realise how much running defines me. I knew this. But now I really see it. I see how it shapes me, how it comforts me. It stops me from being an absolute arsehole to my family.

To stop this, I’ve been trying to understand all the feelings I get from running, to see if I can find them elsewhere:

• Endorphins – the high from getting out of breath, and pushing my body, especially on a long run.
• Peace of mind and alone time – when no-one knows where I am, and even I am not sure where I’m going next.
• Connection to nature – seeing the skies, plants, animals, and birds change with the seasons.
• A shift in mood – the answer to that feeling of unease, when I don’t know what’s wrong or what to do about it.
• Fitness and good health – strong heart, strong lungs, strong legs.
• Self worth and a feeling of achievement – the big goals that sit in the back of my mind, and the little ones that can be ticked off on every run.
• Motivation and self belief – I thought it took motivation to get out and run; turns out running gave me motivation to tackle the rest of my life.

I have found some of these through walking, swimming or workouts. But only one or two at a time.

Running ticked every box with every run.

I miss it.